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… Hold fast what you have …
Revelation 4:11
HELLO.
Trading in the stock market, that was one of my strongest and the most financially destructive addictions in life that lasted for a period of 5 years. How I wish I never started trading.
Here is a collection of thoughts, struggles, and observations in no particular order, hopefully one of these things will direct you to the path of being free of this addiction.
GE. LUCK. CRUSH TO CRASH.
It started with a small amount deposited into the trading account and I bought the first stock, I think it was GE. I don’t remember if it went up or down right away, but eventually it was down and I learned about averaging down, so I added more money into the trading account and bought more GE cheaper. I remember taking a walk in a park in Colorado; a beautiful park, crisp air, a small stream running along, it all was pretty, except that I was looking at the phone every few minutes trying to guess if this will recover and will I make some money or lose more. Heart beating faster, nerves on edge, a faint sense of despair somewhere deep down. Makes you forget the beauty around.
I thought I was smarter and luckier than others. I knew that most people lose money, but I had success in real estate and in business, and thought if I had success in those, I can do this.
I thought I was wise, since I knew that I needed to get over the “crush” to see what the stock market really is (like a crush over a girl, where you see nothing but the one thing about her and it blinds you from seeing the rest, and then some time passes and you see her for real and the crush is over). I’ve discovered than the stock market is no ‘pretty girl’, but its a vicious and a calculating ‘hag’ with no heart and no face and all she wants is your time and money and nerves. But that is something I discovered later. I did get over the “crush” with a “crash”, but never could leave… over and over I would come back.
Thank God, eventually it came to the point of disgust with the stock market, praise God for that, and I started seeing my self from aside, the addicted family man trying to make back the losses, but still too blindly optimistic to promise God, that if God, in His infinite mercy, will let him get the money back he will never trade, because there is still hope that I will figure this out and be set trading stocks and not needing a ‘real’ job (though honestly I’m not even sure why I needed more money, God had generously provided already).
Trading is not a real, honest, satisfying work, even though it is a lot of work. And it’s exhausting, its draining everything and if you trade full day there is not much left of you for your wife and kids when you come home. I’m not afraid of work, I love good work. Especially some aspects of construction, like wood working and flooring. Or a group of people getting something done and all the energy that is created by the teamwork. I love when I’m just so very tired and just lay at night, taking in the peace and satisfaction, being happy with the hard work of my hands today. Never could get that feeling from trading stocks; even on days when I made a lot of money, it was never as satisfying, and often I would still be stuck on the thought that I ‘should have sold a bit later’, or think about the missed opportunity, or something else of the sort, and later towards the end of the three years of trading the happiness was poisoned by being pretty sure that tomorrow or in a few days I will lose what I gained anyway…
WIN-LOSE. BRINGING IN DAVID. TRANSFER OF WEALTH.
There were periods of time that sometimes lasted weeks where I was very bothered by the fact that for me to gain money trading stocks someone had to lose money. I wasn’t creating value but rather exploiting someone else’s weakness or misfortune or lack of knowledge. Some trading “teachers” clearly acknowledge that they use other people’s fear of missing out and greed and inexperience to make money, they learned the signs when that fear kicks in, and buy or sell accordingly. And some make big money, capitalizing on knowing the amateur traders behavior. There are big businesses built on this.
I’ve read blogs and the Bible trying to console my conscience about the win-lose fact, but couldn’t. I wanted to create, not take. I wanted to make win-win deals, but it wasn’t possible here, win-lose is all you get (you may say that we buy stock to give a company money to run their operations, that is true during an IPO or when a company issues more stocks, but mostly trading is about the floating shares that go from trader to trader without creating any value, just cause the valuation to go higher or lower). I wanted to be a part of something that produces something, brings good, brings joy and is useful for people. Trading in the stock market cannot provide those things. When you lose money – you suffer to the core. When you make money – you want more and regret missing out on things, or compare to what others are making. There are exceptions probably, people that genuinely are happy and satisfied trading in the stock market, I don’t know any such people and what they think and the condition of their heart and mind (maybe I know one person, but I’m not entirely sure about him either). Most people I meet are people that either tried and lost a bit and vowed to stay away from the stock market, or ones that keep struggling along and say I made this much or this much but later stopped trading (and we know nobody would stop trading because they make money, people stop because they lose money, that’s more likely).
I’ve heard the argument that I buy and I sell because there is a seller and a buyer. I just reach in and buy, offer and sell. Market doesn’t depend on me, there is just someone that wants to sell now so I will buy, I don’t know his or her reasons, but I see the opportunity and I buy. Then when I see the opportunity and I have a buyer I will sell, hopefully making money in the process. It’s like I buy a car on Craigslist for 3k, because someone is selling for some reason (inherited, needs money ASAP, etc) and I sell it for 4K to another because he or she is willing to pay for it more now, could be because they think tomorrow it will cost 5k, or they love it, or whatever other reason. It’s all true. But no matter how you spin it, in the stock market you try to buy low when people are panicking, or be first when things are recovering after a sell-off, and then when you see that price reached a certain resistance and it may drop because others are selling, you try to sell. You make it sometimes and something it keeps going up. Sometimes you got caught with a losing trade. All this is not really just buying a good deal on Craigslist and then selling to another for more money because you found a good deal, but it’s all a calculated attempt to outsmart others and use their inexperience or greed or being slower than you to make a profit at their expense.
I tried telling God that David did some odd things to feed his family, like attack Geshurites, the Girzites, and the Amalekites towns far away and then completely destroying them so nobody could tell on him, and lied to the Philistine king Achish that he attacks towns of Judah… so why am I so wrong with making money trading, when David did worse… but honestly later on I repented and apologized to God that I used someone that God highlighted and even called a man after His own heart to excuse something that I didn’t feel right about doing. It was a low thing to say. Let’s not resort to such things. And this speaks what an addicted mind can come up with.
Some people claim that we are taking money from the unbelievers, the transfer of wealth to those that will use it for God’s glory, etc (Proverbs 13:22). I tried praying and asking God to let me buy stock shares only from people who would use the money for evil and then transfer that money to me. Sounds good, but very quickly I just get lost in trading and all the noble things are out of the window, plus I don’t think that God liked such a prayer anyway, and I don’t think He will assign an angel to watch over my trading and to make sure the shares and the money I buy would only be from evil people.. more likely than not, I would get the inexperienced and impatient and jumpy people’s money injected with a generous dose of FOMO (fear of missing out (the only thing that is generously given by the spirit of trading to traders, plus maybe a dose of greed too (seems like there is such a spirit… and he is a sticky and a tricky one))). But back to shifting money from evil people to good people. Who is good? Even Jesus says why you are calling me good, only God is good (Mark 10:18), and Paul quotes a psalm that says that nobody is good, not even one, all have turned aside, and all have become worthless (Romans 3:10-12, Psalm 14:1-3, 53:1-3). So am I an exception that God will transfer wealth to me from evil people using the stock market? Probably not, and possibly He will use different means than the stock market, as you may think that you are so good at making money by trading that you will squander what He ‘transferred to you’ and will become the one who the money should be transferred from..
I do believe that if God wants to, He can tell you to buy a certain stock and then it spikes up and then He tells you to sell it and then it would be a miracle and then He will give you instructions on what to do with that money. And if He orchestrates such a thing, I’m fairly sure the money will come from the correct people and no godly person will be harmed in the process (or however it works). That is possible, but wait for God to orchestrate it, don’t attempt to do it yourself, don’t pull Him into your plans and get upset the Almighty God isn’t your oracle buddy (sorry God for even saying such a thing).
God can orchestrate such things, and I’ve heard such stories, and everything belongs to Him, but He does it in His way and in His time. And He simply may not resort to something like this, because its better for us that way.
TRADING UNDER GUIDANCE OF HOLY SPIRIT.
I’ve tried trading ‘under the guidance of Holy Spirit’ on two occasions. The first one was just at the beginning of me getting to know Holy Spirit. For many years I prayed to God the Father, and sometimes to Jesus (never really knowing their roles or positions, but that is another conversation). So Holy Spirit was a mystery for me and I prayed a child-like prayer saying sometimes like, “Holy Spirit, I don’t know you but I want to get to know you. I know you exist and you are important and you are God, but help me build a relationship with you. I don’t know where to start, but you did this many times and with many people, so please start a relationship with me. Help me. Thank you!” And that was a very good start and I can say that about about two and a half years later I am very happy I prayed that prayer. But the funny part is that I prayed that prayer in the first few month of my trading journey. And I got and idea into my head that Holy Spirit will help me trade, He will help to buy and sell the right stocks at the right time. And why not. I’m a child of God, I have good intentions, I could be a good steward. I don’t know if Holy Spirit helped me pick stocks or not, and maybe there were times when He was saying to buy or sell something, but I know that in the end I thought that the stock market is going to take our family to the next level of our financial success. We are already doing well, but this will be the next level. So I invested into one company called movie pass and the cheaper it got the more I bought. And funny thing is that I was calculating how much Netflix grew from its baby years and the return I would have if I invested at the start and how many millions I would make and wanted to be sure I get enough millions to set our family up good, so they are taken care of and I can travel and preach the Kingdom and serve God. Don’t laugh, it sounded very Christian and noble at the time. In the end I lost probably half the money I put into movie pass (thank God only half, cause they got a reverse stock split just a little later and I could have lost it all if I held on to the stock a little longer..).
But question comes from hearing the story: did Holy Spirit help me trade and pick the stock to take us to the next level financially? I think the only thing Holy Spirit did do here, is He helped me sell before I lost it all. And I was mad, I was mad at Holy Spirit and God for taking me on this ride and not speaking to me clearly and dragging me into this false hope and so on. But now I thank God that at least He stopped me from losing all of it. So it was I who got myself into this, and I painted a picture that was only in my head and not in Holy Spirit’s plan. And very likely Holy Spirit just felt compassion and just took the wandering sheep home before wolves sheared it to the skin..
Second example was me probably simply taking my ‘gut’ feeling and some learned trading experience, which was telling me when to sell and buy and what to trade. But I assigned it all to Holy Spirit guiding to me.
Ok, there is a connection between our ‘gut feeling’ and Holy Spirit, I am told, but I have no knowledge or understanding of that yet (maybe God will explain this to me at some point), but here for the second time I assigned something to Holy Spirit, of which He may never had any part of. The result was that I would make a bit of money just to lose more later. Was it God speaking to me? Was it Holy Spirit? Maybe, but end result is still a loss of money. Did God want me to lose more so I can stop trading? I don’t know. But I’m happy I’m done trading.
ABUNDANCE OF OIL FOR THE MACHINE. BENEFICIARIES.
The whole stock market is a very well oiled machine. There are some indicators and announcements and reports that everyone is waiting for and they have a huge power to turn the market one way or another. And so much power is in the hands of the few people that make those announcements or suggestions on what to do. There are newsletters you sign up for, there are daily analysis emails, there are projections, ratings, there are various indicators, and many well followed people that everyone listens to. I’m always incredulous when I get an email saying something like, ‘today we pay attention to labor report and if it’s above this then we are ok, but if below then we must act’. Isn’t that direct influence? All points to some sort of organized machine. And if you find your place in whom people see value, then you may be listened to and may have some influence, which may make money for you. I may have the correct picture or I may not, but the question still remains: at whose expense is the money made when no value is created. Money is made if someone buys what you are selling at a higher price, which still means someone’s money is transferring to you. Its a win-lose.
Looks like the only true beneficiary is the company that IPOed and sold the stock. They are the ones that keep the money, otherwise it’s all traveling from one to the other in the market without really creating any value. Seemingly only the real companies that IPO create the value when they grew the business to profitability, and people purchasing IPO stock with the goal of financing the company so it can grow. But trading the stocks is a different animal, its a wolf (act of trading) in a sheep’s (pretending that its investing) clothing.
BLESSING AS DISGUISE. A STEWARD.
Many times I’ve asked myself, why I need more money. I have plenty, and if I want some extra luxuries and God is not giving me enough money to buy those luxuries, then I possibly should not have them and just, trust God that I should be content with what I have. I think we have been preached to too many times that we should strive for more and more, improve and improve, get more ‘blessed’ and more ‘blessed’ (by blessed it is suggested a better lifestyle and more stuff). Where does it all stop and shift to being content with the blessing we already have? What about spending time with and taking care of others? Some people are motivated to trade so they can give more to the Kingdom of God. I’ve tried that but God didn’t seem to like that idea… maybe I’m wrong… And God doesn’t need the trading money. He owns the whole earth (Psalms 24:1, Hebrews 3:4, Haggai 2:8), He needs your heart and needs your heart to be in the right place. You and I are not a sort of a Robin Hood taking the money from evil people and transferring to good people (Proverbs 13:22 sinners wealth is laid up for the righteous), but that is God’s responsibility and His choice to whom to give and from whom to take away (Ecclesiastes 9:11, Romans 12:19).
There was a moment where I just had a good amount of money sitting in my account and I was just saying that I don’t know what to do with it (a bit odd, ain’t it). Instead of seeking God to give me wisdom on what to do with that money, I just slowly lost it in the stock market, trying to make more of money that I didn’t need! I know it sounds like a first world problem, but just catch the irony here. God made me a steward of a sum of money and I just squandered it trying to make more when it was already part of the abundance that I should have used to bless and grow His Kingdom… instead, that abundance didn’t serve anyone, and ended up in the pockets of who knows who! Just because I didn’t steward it properly. God forgive me, and thank You that You did forgiven me.
ABSENCE OF BREAKS. SORRY. A BIT OF DOSTOYEVSKY.
Many times I’d say to my wife and to God that I will stop trading if I lose ‘this much’, or if I got below ‘this threshold’ in the trading account. But every time I got to the ‘threshold’, I would convince myself and then my wife that I should add more money and try trading again. Sometimes it would be because we needed supplemental income during corona, or just wanted some luxury, sometimes (and probably the strongest reason) it was because I was bothered by the waste and losses and just wanted to get the money back. There was a time when I tried to claim the lost money as stolen by the devil and commanded him to give it back, didn’t happen (not enough faith, some would say?). I’ve made charts with lost money, hoping I would gradually make it back and will be able to fill in the little squares every time I got some money back… eventually I just took it off the wall, cause I needed a bigger goal chart.
I’m sorry that I took my wife through this journey, I can imagine she probably had some fears of me totally draining our accounts. Thank you God we never got to the point of suffering or not being able to pay our bills (seriously, thank you God for that!), but it was a hard season. There were maybe two nights where I just couldn’t sleep (and I can sleep in a room full of people with kids jumping and be out for hours (thank God for that sleep)), but I couldn’t sleep and I would walk outside and just think, vent, pray, plan, etc. Is that healthy? Is that what a dream job looks like? Is that a price that is too high to pay for money? For me loss of peace is too high of a price.
I was told that Dostoyevsky had an addiction to gambling, a major one. Knowing that he had an addiction too, made me feel like he is an addict comrade, and he wrote some of the best books in the world despite his addiction, in my case all I have is the addiction.. but that comforted me and I even wanted to read his biography just to feel better. Recognizing my motivation, I didn’t read it, since I will simply look for excuses for my addiction…
POSSIBLE GLIMPSE OF THE OTHER WORLD.
I’ve heard of a guy that just stopped an addiction short (he was talking about pornography), he just understood that its bad for him and simply stopped and never came back.. That must have been by the grace of God only, as I don’t think an addict can just drop his addiction and walk away, especially ones that have a spiritual aspect to it. And trading addiction does seem spiritual, its like there is a spirit that is attached to the person who is trading and that spirit is influencing the person and coming up with new and creative ways to keep the addict addicted. And these spirits (if that is how it works), they have a lot of experience and probably share stories with each other and learn from each out in their mean and arrogant ways (they probably cannot stand each other, but since they have to report to senior devils they consent to learning from each other (a bit of fantasy)).
Bottom line, I really think this is spiritual and devil is using pornography, stock market, gaming, shopping, love of your body or hate of your body, horror movies and horror books, gossip, self-pity, blaming everyone for everything, binge-watching shows, heavy drugs and ‘innocent’ drugs, money-loving in many forms including love of making money, and many other things to keep us in bondage, to keep us as far away as possible from God, from the One who loves us, and Who loved us when we were still sinners, from God thought of a wise and elaborate plan to rescue us from the slavery that drains everything out of us, and make us His children. And He didn’t just rescue us, but promised us a heavenly inheritance and Himself. And that is our Heavenly Father, Almighty God of the universe.
Thank you God the Father, and Jesus Christ, and Holy Spirit.
HOLE PLUGGED. WHEN AT LAST YOU WANT TO BE RESCUED.
Three years later, I’m done. The hole is plugged. I’ve finally prayed to God to free me, because I just couldn’t leave this addiction by myself. I was begging Him to free me before I lose everything, before I roll down to such a level when there is simply no money left to feed the family, or worse – end up with great debt. Praise God it didn’t get to that.
I was asking God to just make me sick of the stock market, to just enhance the effect of wearing me out, maybe I’m going to be done that way. Not through massive losses, that could lead to drugs or drink and homelessness.
I’ve thought that God put me into this so I could be an example to people and help others get rid of this addiction. Yes God can use someone’s experience and turn it around for good and teach others and rescue others through it, but I don’t think God put me into this just so I can help others. Just as God wouldn’t put my beautiful, innocent, young daughter through hell of prostitution just so she would get free and teach the world to not be a prostitute. There are things and circumstances that could lead her to that, but it wouldn’t be God’s initiative, and the only role God would play then, would be to rescue and restore her. Same with any addiction or sin. God doesn’t temp with evil and is not tempted by evil (James 1:13), but He is a Father who rescues those that want to be rescued. I didn’t want to be rescued for a while. I wanted to do this, to make money back, to turn our finances around, to prove to self and other that I can do this, that I can be financially independent through trading stocks. I thought that I’m smart enough. I’ve consoled myself with the thought that all the successful traders lost significant amounts before they became successful. I’ve consoled self by thoughts that I’m a real man, and I can develop the self-control and discipline needed for trading. And then again and again I would just get spun out of control after some time of good trading and good self-control, and once again lose more than gain.
SUCCESS. CALL OF GOD. CLUB IDEA.
Does all this mean that you will not be successful in trading? I don’t know. I’ve talked with a few people and told them about my losses, and it seemed like they looked at me like I’m just not good enough but they will make it. I though the same thing though, when I heard that most people lose money and a very low percentage of trades are profitable, I too though that they just weren’t good enough and I will make it.
I do believe that in my particular case God has a calling for me and it’s not to be a day trader of stocks, but rather to spread the Word of God to those that want to hear it. So day trading is not for me. Maybe buy and hold, like one would with a rental house. Maybe not. God will show me when it’s time.
By the way, preaching God’s Message of Hope and Salvation and of Kingdom is a calling for all of us. And an addiction to any way of making money, and especially to a way that is not a win-win type, one that is not creating value, is not helping people, is not building people, is a part of an industry that tears people down – should God’s children even be a part of any of such industry? And if yes, in what capacity? Probably not as day traders.
I’ve gotten an idea to create a group to trade together and work with each other, since some will trade anyway, so we at least be accountable to each other and help each other and maybe limit losses this way, and possibly even make money. But I never got to it and it is probably a good thing that I didn’t, since it would simply encourage us to trade and we would contribute to this industry and I could actually encourage people to stay in, rather than leave it; possibly make some new people to event join it. And I don’t want to encourage to stay or join, but would rather discourage from it, and ask to get out and stay out and keep others out.
A BIT ABOUT BIRDS. COST OF EDUCATION.
What about investing? What about researching and buying and holding a long time? Sounds better and that is what we do with real estate, etc. It does sound better, but you still need to have patience, and research, and be ready for drops, and only use money you don’t need to live on, etc. I’m not trying to give advice here on how to invest, as being addicted to trading for a long time my view is thwarted probably. I would still suggest to stay away, though it seems you are more likely to make money investing rather than trading. But keep in mind, better few percent positive than many more percent negative. Better a small bird in your hand, than a whole lot of them still flying in the sky… Maybe you should rather get a job, at least with a paycheck you are going to earn money, not end up owing money to your boss! With trading it could go either way, and more likely into owing. Trading is a lot closer to gambling than some think. Yes you can predict some things and take advantage of some setups, but in the end its not guaranteed and it is so easy to spin out of control and be taken advantage of. And there are a lot of traps that you learn about the hard way. Are you different and maybe you can make it? Possible. But don’t let the schooling cost more than you have.
JONES AND KIPLING.
Are you the lucky/ smart one that will walk into a pit full of snakes and come out with the treasure that was hidden at the bottom? Indiana Jones did it, so you think you can? And possibly that treasure that the snakes are guarding is not even something you need, and it possibly will even bring sorrow and grief and destruction (take a look at a short story “The King’s Ankus” by Rudyard Kipling if you’d like).
RONA SEASON.
Thank you God that this ‘trip’ lasted only 3 years, and not a lifetime. How many times have I listened to myself and watched myself and understood how much of an addict I sound like, looking for a reason to add more money to the trading account, to find a reason to keep going. Thank God for my wife that she is not hysterical or anything like that, in humility she would go to God instead of trying to fix this on her own. And I thank God for wisdom and restraint on my part (it was probably supernatural) and for giving me the ability to actually come to my wife and to make promises, such as telling her every time I want to add money, etc., otherwise I could just add till we run out (that happened one time, where I ran out of money to trade that I could spare, and I started borrowing from a credit card). That resulted in us walking into the corona season with no cash savings. And that resulted in us living and knowing we only have enough money for a few weeks and then we weren’t sure how we will pay the bills and mortgage. Praise God that He used that time to teach us faith and trust; we praise Him for that, but it was difficult. And lots of nerve cells could have been spared.. mine and my wife’s.
ABSENCE OF LOVE AND VALUE. TRADING AS A MINISTRY.
There is no love in trading stocks. It’s you and the market and the charts and the strategies, but you know that on the other side are real people, and by winning or gaining money you hurt others, you created the same feelings for someone that you experienced when lost money. And we can vail it by promises to God that we will use the money for good, even donate fifty percent, but does God want this money? Isn’t it earned by our pride and lust of eyes? Again I come back to the thought that it’s not a noble way to make money, we don’t create anything of value, just transfer money from one set of hands to another, and in the process create pride for people that gained the money and hurt and disappointment to the ones losing money. Isn’t that the perfect combo for the devil, father of evil, a lose-lose situation. With God it is always win-win, even when things humble you and teach you lessons, here it’s just frustration and suffering, or a puffed up personality that figured it out and learned to take from this ever flowing river of hurt and pride, making money for select few.
There, probably, are honest people that see this as a business of sorts, even a ministry to get the money out of it and transfer the money into the Kingdom of God. I may know one such person. But what are the chances of self deception in such a view?
I remember I had a ‘streak’ when I was making money for months and it was good and I loved it and was eager to go to work, but a time came and I invested into something I thought was a correct call and when things turned the opposite way I panicked and bailed just to find out that the original call was correct and had I held the stock I would have made good money. And someone did hold and made money, but I didn’t, and some others didn’t, and overall that one stock created so much hurt and despair and fights between spouses and sleepless nights and nerve cells dead forever. And yes there are people that made money on that stock but it’s probably mostly institutions that have teams of researchers and they just added more millions to the millionaires.
Can such an industry be from God? Can it be that God called us into such ministry to make money? Or is it simply love of money and false hope and self deception. I don’t know about you, but I think it was more of the love of money and self-deception in my case.
I have told God that He lead me into this industry. But I don’t know if He actually did. God clearly gave me a business and I know that that is a gift from Him, there is no denying it, and it was evident from the start. But I’m convinced that trading in the stock market was my idea for easy money, and it was me who tried to drag God into it. And praise God that He was with me all the time and patiently was working on a plan to get me out. Could He have rescued me earlier? I’m sure, but flesh is very stubborn and creative in covering and keeping addictions alive – it is a slave to sin, it does what I don’t want to do (Romans 7). There were many opportunities and devastating situations where I could have gotten a clue and stopped trading but I would always find a way to come back.
FEW REASONS I KEPT TRADING. GIVING A CHANCE FOR GOD TO RESCUE ME. ARE LOSSES THE ONLY WAY TO STOP.
Probably the single biggest reason I was coming back is loss of ‘all that money’. Again and again I would think, ‘what a waste!’, ‘stock market took money from me and I got to get it back’, ‘it doesn’t matter that the market is evil, I’ve got to get back what was taken from me’, ‘I will create hurt and disappointment, but they took it from me, now I just want to take back what was mine’, and so on.
There were other reasons too, but making back the losses was the strongest for sure. A few other reasons were that we needed an income during corona and business shut down. Thought like ‘am I not a man’ and ‘can I not get a grip on my discipline and wait for right setups and right entries and exits from positions’, but I would hold a good grip for short periods of time only. I’m relatively strong willed and when I made a promise to self, I keep it, but here I would always ‘lawyer out’ of promises and would find a way to ‘unpromise’ the promised. Like a true addict.
I was thinking that staying in the market would allow God to help me gain what I lost, it’s easy for God to let me buy one stock and right before it shoots up sky-high and I would get the money back that way. But that is probably self deception, and God didn’t tell me to stay in the market just so He can help me gain losses back, if He told me I would have God’s Word to stay on, but that was just my idea (how often do we do that, tell God we will do something if this or this happens, but without receiving a confirmation that God actually agreed to the terms?). Well, one of the years God did let me climb out of some big losses over a period of a few month, huge gain in a short time, actually a miracle. But I took it as if I have discovered the formula for success, as if things had finally turned around, as if I can make great money doing this, and instead of recognizing God’s grace and seeing that He is giving me a chance to walk away with minimal losses. I thought that I can do big things here and started chasing big wins and big moves and in the end lost more than the first time. Yes, God was with me all this time, but I think He works in His ways and His ways are not ours and He doesn’t just take care of out top-most problem, but He takes care and works on our whole life and whole being and influences and the rest – not just the thing that hurts the most or bothers us the most.
I’ve heard one preacher say that he had made some bad financial decisions in his life, and after him repenting, God was graceful enough to return the lost money (maybe not in all of the cases, I don’t remember). I was thinking I will stop trading if God does help get the money back, but deep inside I knew for sure that if I can start making money trading, I will not stop, there is just no way. So losses were the only was to stop, and maybe it just has to be that way, nobody really quits trading when things are going well. I do hope that now that I’m free God will be graceful and will help me get the money back, and, maybe, He will do it in a miraculous way, but that I will leave up to Him. God will decide if that is a good thing to do or not in my case. I’m grateful either way already for being rid of this weight and addiction.
A SLAVE TO GETTING BACK WHAT IS LOST.
As mentioned above, one of the biggest reasons I kept coming back to trading was because I was trying to get back the money lost. But consider this thought, when you had another addiction such as pornography, or binge-watching movies, you don’t keep keep coming back to the addiction to restore what was lost, like getting back the lost time. It’s absurd in that case. Only gambling, trading, and other addictions that have to do with money, have the hook to keep you in, which is the hope to restore what is lost. But do you restore by doing more of the same? By following the trap of the same addiction? It’s illogical when it’s in this context, but makes all the sense in the world in the addiction itself. There is always hope that I will get lucky, or I will figure out a system, hit it big, learn enough, etc. It seems to me that getting back what is lost is just another lie and an illusion that we need to be rid of we have an addiction such as trading stocks, or casino gambling, etc. Its a trick of the devil to keep you enslaved and it works very well because it looks so much like the truth, the gains are just around the corner, making money back is just around the corner, tables will turn, I’m going to try another strategy, etc. I think it’s likely that your money will end sooner than you will run out of mistakes you can make or the stock market will run out of traps you can get into.
WHO IS THIS ARTICLE FOR.
This confession is equally needed to those already addicted and to the ones that never tried trading in the stock market. I hope this to be a warning to the ones that never tried trading and are thinking about it or know someone that is thinking about trying; and I hope this will be a straw of hope to the ones that are coming close to the desperate state and they just want to plug the hole, leave this industry, and earn a living creating value. For the ones who are hopeful and eager and full of excitement and energy, reading this will probably not do anything right now. But I hope when the time comes you will remember this struggle of mine and maybe will come back and read it again and will find some help. There is a possibility to be rid of this addiction, and God is interested in helping you, if you want His help.
I’m not trying to boycott the stock market, but I am imploring you, dear reader, to stay away and discourage the one who are trying to give it a try.
COMMUNION WITH GOD IS THE REPLACEMENT FOR THE RUSH OF TRADING. A FEW THOUGHTS ON MOVIES.
There were thoughts like, what will I do if I don’t trade? What is another useful thing that I can occupy my mind with? What will I think about? Where will I get money (funny that after years of day trading being a consistent drain on finances, I still thought it’s a way to make money. How odd!)
Well, for a long time I had an addiction to watching movies. We didn’t have a TV in Ukraine and when I moved to US we got a chance to watch movies and experience the full array of feelings they bring. I love reading, I’m very impressionable and love stories, and watching movies is like reading on steroids. I’m one of those that ‘live inside their heard’ much more than in the outside world. So movies where huge for me. And I would ask God, what can He give me instead of a good movie after a hard days of work or stress or another stock market loss? What can replace movies?
Thank God He freed me from movies, because I could binge-watch like a pro. Here is something that helped get free from movies, in part. A realization came that we can spend a lot of time figuring out what the author of the script and the director of the movie are trying to say, the idea they are trying to convey or impart. And there are whole communities around Marvel Universe, Chris Nolan, Star Wars, etc., they all are just either trying to figure out the message and all the intricate details of the content created by people (sometimes I wonder if its just people who create these elaborate universes and ideas, there is a good chance they are inspired by the spiritual world, with much of it coming from the evil side). Well, why would I want to spend time watching and analyzing people’s thoughts that lead me either nowhere and have no real application in real life, or even destroy my thinking with some of the ideas like the Disney prince coming to rescue us from boredom and uselessness by ‘hitting it big’, or the American dream, or if I want it enough the whole universe will help me get it, and let’s not forget the dumbing of the senses towards unfaithfulness to spouses, toleration of sexual perversion and homosexuality, and twisted views on authority, and gruesome scenes, and distorted reality, and attacks on God and God’s values, and so on. The movies are soaked with such ideas and we gobble it all up, sucking it in with delight, thanking the authors for a time well spent. Sometimes we do say, how could they say such a thing or show such a thing, but problem is that we just saw it and it is already impressed on our mind and heart and we are already influenced…
Why not study and spend time getting to know God, the One who actually did create the Universe, and the One who actually cares for us and is not just after our money, and the One who knows our heart and rewards us, the One who’s principles actually help live a life that is full and will end with us inheriting God Himself!
God freed me from movies and replaced it with communion with the Holy Spirit, replaced with getting a glimpse of thoughts and ways of the Almighty. Good replacement indeed!
If God did that for me, if He found replacement for movies, he can find a replacement for trading in the stock market. He did call us His masterpiece, His workmanship, and He prepared tasks for each of us beforehand for us to complete them (Ephesians 2:10), let’s not be too busy to get to those tasks, though. It doesn’t look like God will force His will on us, His plans on us, His tasks on us. We got to come to Him in humility and ask for the task, and once we got the task to do it in humility, caring for others, radiating love, not consuming everything we can get our hands on.
WHAT CAN YOUR SPOUSE DO TO HELP.
During these three years, it helped that we didn’t truly suffer financially, that I still drove a car I enjoyed, lived in a house that was truly a blessing to us and others, my family wasn’t falling apart and we stayed together and fought together. Someone shared a thought that a wife can take her husband’s addiction (or vice versa) as a personal attack (watching pornography as cheating on her, gambling as depriving her of financing well-being, trading stocks as risking the future of our children, wasting time watching movies in the evenings or through the nights as ruining the relationship and robbing her of physical satisfaction and company). But thank God, my wife was close to God and she heard Him tell her that I’m not just her husband, I’m not doing this to hurt her personally, but I’m also her brother in Christ, who has been trapped by the devil into an addiction and I, her husband and brother in Christ, needs help. So she was my partner in working towards freedom, rather than a nagging accuser. Olga, thank you, for recognizing this and allowing God into the situation, and showing enough humility and understanding.
If we were not working on this together, if I was alone, I could have spiraled down much much lower and truly could bring the family to a state that I dare not think about. I advise you to not deal with this addiction alone.
ACCOUNTABILITY. HITTING IT BIG IS A CANCEROUS THOUGHT.
Thank you God for giving me wisdom to be accountable to my wife and for leading me to decide to tell her anytime I wanted to add more money to the trading account or if a major loss happened. If I didn’t come to her with these things and just traded in secret, stayed alone, everything could have been much much worse.
I remember one preacher I translated for a school (Doug Weiss) was talking about how God freed him from pornography. Doug stayed in a dorm room of a collage and God told him to tell his roommate every time Doug would watch pornography. How awkward it must have been, telling another guy, especially when that guy never even asked to be an accountability partner. But Doug did it and it was the beginning of the road to freedom. Doug travels the world now teaching successful marriage and freedom from sexual addictions.
I took that principle to make sure trading doesn’t get out of hand. I’ve got my wife and four kids to take care of. God entrusted them to me as to the head of the family. I have to teach kids and raise them and be responsible and I will stand before God one day and give an account. What will I say?
This is real and I really am responsible for these four beautiful, smart, and promising little kids. And my actions can ruin their chances in life, chances of a full life. I can thwart their growth, deprive them of opportunities, I can create an atmosphere of despair and lack and fights, and even resentment bordering on hate. Why? Because I want to bring more money into the family? No, because I’m addicted to the idea of making more money in a way that is easier and ‘has unlimited potential.’ Work is too conventional, but hitting it big is the dream. This idea of ‘hitting it big’ is instilled by our society and its a major ‘cancer’ that we are promoting in our conversations and in the material we endorse, and we caress the idea deep down in our hearts. But it is wrong. Easy money will leave quickly (Proverbs 13:11). Our lot is in labor, in work, in toil, sweat of our brow, that is what Solomon concludes towards the end of his life. Enjoy your wife (Ecclesiastes 9:9), your work (Ecclesiastes 3:12-13, 5:18-20, 7:14, 8:15), and fear the Lord (Proverbs 9:10 and many others) and trust Him (Proverbs 3:5-6) and love your God with all you’ve got (Luke 10:27).
Don’t try to hit it big, don’t try to come up with an idea that will make you rich and influential, I don’t think that idea is from God and I don’t see it doing good to the people that did hit it big. Agur actually asked God not to give him too much money so he probably wouldn’t attribute the gain to himself and say ‘Who is the Lord’ (Proverbs 30:8-9).
“I CHALLENGE YOU TO PRAY 3 HOURS EACH DAY”. MORNING TIME WITH GOD IS ROBBED.
Another effect of trading is loss of morning time with God. That was a very hard one. When I just started trading in 2018 I didn’t regularly spend time with God in the morning or any part of the day (it was actually hard and much effort to give God fifteen minutes of my time). But one man texted me once saying, ‘I challenge you to pray 3 hours a day’. That was an odd thing to say; just imagine praying for 3 hours every day! But I was at a point in my life where I just knew I was wasting a good portion of my day procrastinating and not being efficient. So I set an appointment with God saying that tomorrow I will be in my office behind a bookshelf from 9am to 12pm. I said, “God, that is Your time and You do what You would like.” Interestingly enough the time flew by pretty quickly and I even saw a vision of angels! (https://libraryoflives.org/2019/11/14/few-thoughts-on-angels/) I didn’t tell God that from now on I will spend 3 hours a day with Him, but told Him that I will do the same tomorrow. And that started a very beautiful time in the morning where I was drawn to His presence. Sometimes I would just pray, sometimes I would read Bible, sometimes I would write down long revelations, some of which I share on libraryoflives.org. The morning time with God became consistent and it continued ever since.
Someone did a study that shows that you must read the Bible more than 4 times a week for the Word of God to really start having any kind of an effect on your life. Well, Word of God was having a good effect on my life. And especially good when I took long breaks from trading. But when I decided to pickup trading again, I just knew that my morning with God will be gone. Market opens at 9:30am and you got to start getting ready and reading the news and drawing lines of resistance and supports and looking for stocks to trade today – it all takes time and you need at least half an hour for it, if you are rushing. So after dropping off the kids and getting some breakfast, I would head to the office, where I would have about an hour from 8am to 9am for prayer and reading Bible and just spending time with God… But it was very quickly consumed by previous day’s trading experience, by a loss, or by a new strategy, or simply praying that God would help me trade good today. My mind would wander and come back to some opportunity that I missed yesterday and how I should do better today and on and on and in the end the time with God was more like a preparation for another trading day. I would read the few chapters quickly (and sometimes not event finish). The intimate time with God was now mostly intimate time with the stock market and God was another tool and or an inspiration for trading. I knew God and knew the power of His help, but I didn’t seeks God for God, or for the work He wanted to be done, and rather sought Him for trading successfully. I suppose that is a common result of a compromise. I knew that God wants me to do His work, and I was genuine about wanting to do His work, but very quickly I can find myself having a late lunch and its already 4pm and I’m exhausted and drained and don’t want to do anymore work, but just go home and quietly read or take a walk. And things would be worse on the day when money was lost.
VALUE OF MONEY THWARTED, LOST. NET LOSS. WHAT IS RISK.
Here is a random thought on losses. It’s very strange, but I could feel so good just by making a move and buying and selling at the right times and making a few hundred dollars… but then so easily just let go of thousands of dollars and just sit and watch the money keep draining on a move that didn’t pan out. It’s like money didn’t mean anything. I could lose a few thousand dollars in minutes, after spending a week or two doing a flooring project, or working in my business to earn the same amount of money. It was hard to spend a thousand dollars on some furniture price, or allow my wife to spend a few hundred dollars to buy some clothes for kids, or I would be happy getting fifty cents reviewing something on Google, but could so easily drown few thousand dollars the next day in the stock market and just feel a sense of disappointment and despair, like a lost game, and come back to trading again very soon. Money lost its value, it was probably more about a feeling, than a number. An intense happy feeling, and number of dollars gained determined the intensity, or an intense feeling of despair and number of dollars lost just measured the intensity again… but the total sum was negative in dollars and in feelings. Gains where often accompanied by ‘I could have captured the move better’ or ‘if only I did this…’. And losses were losses, beating self up and blaming God, and ‘what will I say to my wife’, and ‘what is this doing to my net worth’, and ‘if only I stopped when I made money that day’, and the list is truly endless.
I think even the word risk lost its true meaning. Risk somehow means how close we get to the abyss but will get out unscathed and rich. When we look at a 50/50 chance it really is perceived as a 99/1 chance in our favor, and a risk of 90 loss to 10 gain as a ‘we will make 10 times’, rather than 9 out 10 will lose money. Risk somehow means higher reward rather than what it truly is, a higher chance of a loss. Isn’t that odd?!
IF YOU DO ANYTHING YOU BELIEVE IS NOT RIGHT. SPREADING THE BUG.
There were days and weeks when I would strongly feel and know how bad the stock market is, how immoral trading is, how I’m not doing anything good by staying in it, how i’m contributing to hurt, and to wasting time, etc. But there were periods of time when all that would shift to the background or disappear altogether and I could trade with a clear conscience. I’m not sure why that is so, but its a fact. Its probably something spiritual, because in the physical world nothing would be different. Maybe Holy Spirit works on my heart and convicts me, and then just backs off, as I don’t yield and keep looking for a way to just get rid of the ‘annoying’ feeling that the stock market being a bad place to be in. But because I would stay close to God and my wife would pray for me and I’m sure my parents pray for us just like any parent should – Holy Spirit would respond to the prayer and pickup the work on my heart again, and again. I don’t know how it works exactly, but I know the feeling of the stock market being bad would come in waves. Interestingly many people defend the market and I’ve read a good amount of blogs and even articles on Christian investment company’s websites defending that trading or investing in the stock market is good. Here I would quote Paul: ‘22 You may believe there’s nothing wrong with what you are doing, but keep it between yourself and God. Blessed are those who don’t feel guilty for doing something they have decided is right. 23 But if you have doubts about whether or not you should eat something, you are sinning if you go ahead and do it. For you are not following your convictions. If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning.” Romans 14:22-23. You may say Paul is just talking about food, but the last phrase says: ‘if you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning’. Anything.
Also trading and making it publicly known that you trade in the stock market and endorsing trading, can lead to making others try trading, those that initially thought trading is wrong, which will make you responsible for that person succumbing to a temptation. And the thing about traders, that they like to talk and share their gains and successes. You just cannot contain it when things are going well. So you are endorsing trading and can possibly bring another one to a devastating situation by doing so. I’m guilty of talking about trading and possibly making it sound attractive, or make it sound that there is a ‘traders in-crowd’. God forgive me and hopefully this confession will undo some of that damage.
WAY TO FREEDOM, ‘I WANT GOD’S WILL DO WIN IN MY LIFE’. SEEING MY ADDICTED SELF FROM ASIDE.
I think the victory over the trading addiction and my freedom from it was won on a particular day when I just clearly realized that I cannot get free on my own, and I cried out to God and told Him that I WANT HIS WILL TO WIN IN MY LIFE and not my will. I remember as soon as I said those words I’ve felt as if there started a battle somewhere in the spiritual world, and God’s angels were fighting for me. It wasn’t an attack on me or anything like that, but it was a battle for my soul, or a battle for my will, my future, I could perceive the battle vividly and clearly. Right that minute I asked a few people and posted on a few Viber groups to pray for me, and when I was done typing the messages I just felt like I got covered with God’s grace and love and I just wept. I was so grateful to God, that His army is fighting on my behalf and that I have brothers and sisters in Christ who are praying and warring on my behalf. I and we have the privilege of such a luxury! 15-30 minutes later everything was over. Battle was won.
I believe since that battle I got the ability to see my addicted self from aside. I suppose it like my spiritual self was watching my addicted fleshly self. Not sure how that worked but it was an interesting thing. And it was like my spiritual self and my soul were trying to come up with a plan to free my fleshly self from trading, and I knew my spirit was now strong and had the support of the Heavenly Army. Hallelujah!
YOU ARE ON A JOURNEY TO ADDICTION. REHABS.
I know you may think that this guy (me) is just a bit messed up and is a deeply addicted person and this is not going to happen to you. May it be so. May God make it so. May you not go through what I went through. But keep in mind that when you start trading stocks, you are setting off in the direction towards a version of an addict I was.
Speaking with one man of God on this subject we jokingly concluded that we may need ‘trading rehabilitation centers’ soon. With the increase of new traders because of how easy and game-like trading is now, and its free, that joke may not be so far from the truth actually. There may be a need for trading rehabs soon. Don’t be a part of it, kill it while it’s still a tiny weed, don’t let it grow into a jungle that will swallow up your life and possibly lives of those who depended on you.
I do believe the spirit of addiction to trading or investing in the stock market is real and is ‘on the prowl’ seeking to steal, kill, and destroy. Cast it out of your life and out of your heart before it becomes impossible, and even if it is already at the point of ‘impossible’, remember – everything is possible with God (Matthew 19:26, Mark 9:23, Luke 1:37, Romans 8:28) and Jesus came to set the captives free (Luke 4:18), including captives of the stock market.
CASINO STORY.
One preacher told a story of a man who was walking through a casino and decided to play a roulette or some other game and he put down $20 and instantly won $600 (I may have the exact details wrong). When this men told the preacher what had happened and asked what he should do, the preacher suggested that he returns the $600 back to the casino and repent for doing this and reject any influence of the spirit that stands behind this instant gain, instant satisfaction, because that can grow into a gambling problem. How I wish I had done that after my first gain in the stock market! How I wish I could have done that..
In trading there are elements of control and calculation and being smart and even of building a type of a business – but the elements of gambling, an illusion of control, a system that is perfected to work against a trader and sheer him to the skin like a poor lamb, plus an unhealthy environment of greed and fear… the latter trumps the former…
May God bless you and give you wisdom to stay away and keep other away from the stock market.
Please share with others, even if you are not sure they trade or are an addict.
Written by ‘no longer an addict to the stock market.’
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