God healed me of headaches about two years ago, and in recent months I have been having headaches again here and there, as if the healing was receding or God has given me temporary relief (those are the thoughts that I started accepting in my heart). On Monday, right after receiving healing in February 2020, it was like my nerves were trying to find pain where there was none anymore, and I remember I told myself that, ‘its not possible to have pain now, since God healed me’. And for almost two years I didn’t have abnormal headaches. But two years later I started accepting that pain is coming back, and I was starting to be ok with that…
Yesterday I had a difficult day especially. On top of a headache I had thought that I’m not good enough for ministry, I’m not needed anywhere, I’m not useful for God’s Kingdom, and Bible as a whole is good in theory, its inspirational in theory, but in practice real life takes over and swallows up the principles and goodness of God’s Word. I didn’t have faith for getting out of this pit of feelings and didn’t know where to get the needed faith, and even, cautiously, blamed God for not giving me faith and for abandoning me. I went to sleep very defeated and prayed to God to do something, since I really don’t know what to do myself.
Today I woke up with a headache somewhere deep in my head, and that specific pain inside our bones that foretells a major cold coming on, and nose stuffed and spirit low. And a thought came to me. FAITH IS MY CHOICE. Faith is my choice. Faith is my choice. Faith is my choice. Faith that I’m needed for God’s Kingdom, faith that I’m part of Jesus’s body and I carry a needed function, faith that God healed me once and for all and not a temporary relief, faith that I’m not getting sick and I will have the needed strength to teach in a school in a few days and translate at a conference right after, faith that God didn’t abandon me. And this faith doesn’t come from me wanting it to be that way, but from promises, which Bible is full of. God gives gifts and doesn’t take them away, God is our healer, God sent His Son for me so I’m saved from my sins, Jesus is the head and I’m part of His body, I’m God’s masterpiece and am created for good works prepared for me to do by God Himself. I don’t need to wallow in defeat, but I’m strong in God to defeat the devil, and I’m strong in God to destroy the strongholds that devil is trying to build in my mind. I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.
Faith is my choice. Faith is my choice. Thank you God for giving me strong foundation for my faith, and that this faith comes from hearing God’s Word, and its not based on self motivation or some other hubbub from a blog or a motivational instagram quote.
I choose to have faith in God, my redeemer, my motivation, my salvation, my defense, my hope, my destiny.
PS There is a gift of faith (1 Cor. 12:9), and that is a separate subject. If Holy Spirit gave faith to the centurion and then Jesus marveled at that faith, that would be odd, no?